OK I'll be brave and open up.
My name is martin ewen and professionally I am an unhappy stilt pantomime.
I was born in 63, I was a child prodigy,
By the time I had left the post natal clinic I had graduated as a doctor and was already specializing in bone marrow disorders.
My childhood was spectacularly uneventful, I mostly wrote books.
My parents were both hardworking professionals. My father (before his accident) was a human cannonball and my mother was an adhesive chemist.
They met by chance when a spiteful clown changed my fathers trajectory before a matinee and he flew askew and landed on my mothers date, killing him.
In the trauma counseling and legal wrangling that followed they grew close and fell in love.
I am the oldest of 4 and a half children, my youngest brother Paul has a seintinent lump on his neck with lips that we suspect is an unborn twin, occasionally it sings.
My probation officer gave me permission to attend clown school in 1983. I was then 20.
The clown school was run by Alan Clay who uses the Socretian method.
The first time I had to wear red-nose in Public I chain-whipped a pram.The baby laughed, the mother thought I was charming.
Later I found a way to shoot dead squid over buildings.
I was always a clowns clown. This was difficult in that there were very few clowns and if you didn't have one or two in your audience, no-one laughed.
I gave up laughing professionally ten years ago and I've never been happier.
I spend my days sneering at a public who find me amusing I think because I try so superficially to be happy. I sneer at myself sometimes just for the practice. I have worked 18 years over more than 20 Countries in nearly 100 citys and towns. I'll spare you the anecdotal Olympics and the flaying with cliches as I will also the name-dropping suffice to add that while I do know a large number of this community, I am open minded and still of the opinion that strangers are just people who haven't let you down yet.
I am 37 and considering retirement.